Scary

What do you first think of when you first hear "Africa"?

Of course, this question is more for those who haven't been. Here were my first thoughts at the word "Africa":
-huts
-scary
-bugs
-scary
-different
-wild animals
-scary
-shots
-last place I ever want to go
-dirt. lots of dirt.
Then I signed up to spend a summer there. I like to keep myself unpredictable. Keeps me on my toes.

Really, though, what do I feel about this right now--about going to Africa? I'm not completely sure. I know I'm supposed to go, there is no question about that (unless God ABSOLUTELY stops me, in which case I really don't have a say). I know that I am severely excited as well. Last week, I spent time with some folks in a band from Malawi (another country in Africa) who came to campus with my hallmate's missionary father. They were so much fun, even with--no, especially because of--their cultural differences. I hear so many things about the wonder of the culture there, how friendly and relational the people are. I love the music, I love the dancing. I love hugging people, and I hear that they love that too.

But I'm also scared out of my mind. I hear about the culture, but I haven't experienced it. I will be completely out of my comfort zone. There is so much pain there--pain that I can hug, but I can't fix. Actually, I think that's the main thing. I'm afraid because I don't like facing situations that are out of my control, and that's what God is calling me to do.

A couple hours ago, I watched a video about malaria in Africa, particularly Northern Uganda, called "When the Night Comes". The statistics are absolutely astonishing. Over 2,000 children die from malaria A DAY. The world freaked out when 31 people died of swine flu in the span of a few weeks, but didn't notice when, during that time, tens of thousands of people died of malaria. The funny thing is, to prevent it, all that's needed is nets. Isolate one village with nets = killing malaria in that area. We used a similar method to kill it in America.

The video portrayed the death of a child in a hospital. It showed his mother, a woman who remained silent nearly the entire time. After they put the blanket over the baby, the mother started wandering around the hospital--lost and alone--until she found the exit.

It's one thing to watch a video like that from the perspective of someone who isn't going to be in contact with it, as an American who will stay safe in America. But I will be dealing with people who have experienced this--shoot, I will probably see some of it firsthand. Yes, I am a little bit scared. All I can do for these people is hug them, cry with them, and pray for them. I realize that God heals and it's His job to take care of them, but I know He is going to break me this summer.

I suppose, then, what I most need to do now is prepare to be broken and built up differently.

Ouch.

IN TERMS OF TRIP LOGISTICS:
-All I need now, in terms of funding, is $725, not including what I will need to buy before I go and things I may need to buy while I am there. But out of $4200, that isn't bad.
-We are buying airplane tickets this week.
-Soon, Dr. Ward will be giving us literature to read concerning the culture. We already had a lesson on greetings last Sunday during our weekly prayer time. We also had a three-hour lesson on evangelism last Friday.
-I need to make an appointment for shots in April. Shots are probably one of the most frightening things in the world, and I plan on rewarding myself with ice cream afterwards.
-Still need to buy: skirts, sunscreen, malaria medicine, and gifts for hosts. And maybe a few other things.

My biggest prayer now is that God would prepare me for this. Prepare me to be broken, to keep my eyes open, and to hear His voice while I am there. Who knows, this could turn into something long term.

Scary, right?

As Simba says in the The Lion King: "Danger? Hah! I walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger--ha ha ha ha!"

47 more days.